America’s Humiliating Hissy Fit


November 14, 2012 by Nash Riggins

It was only a matter of time, but America’s sore losers are now kicking and screaming themselves into the ultimate hissy fit: threatening to secede from the United States.

As of today, over 7,500 Kansas citizens have signed a petition respectfully requesting that the state be allowed to withdraw from the US in order to create its own, independent government. Around 20 other states have also filed identical petitions on the White House website – and if one of said petitions reaches 25,000 signatures within a month, the White House is legally obligated to review the issue. In Texas, the people’s petition to secede from the Union has already reached 70,000 signatures.

At face value, such petitions should be casually dismissed as an utter and unequivocal waste of time – after all, the US Constitution shockingly prohibits any and every subservient state government from seceding; accordingly, these foolish petitions will not affect the Union in the slightest. That being said, they are serving to embarrassingly remind the rest of the world that there’s a plague afflicting the American populace by way of an inherent sense of child-like entitlement. 

‘My government should only do what I want it to do,’ many Americans apparently believe, ‘and whenever a decision is made I disagree with, I am entitled to kick and scream and try to dismantle that government.’

The sheer arrogance of this childish assumption is shocking. What’s more, the authors of these secession petitions have the audacity to cite the Declaration of Independence as their driving argument.

“…Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and institute new Government…”

Apparently 250 years’ worth of hindsight have taught the red-faced, sore losers of the 21st century disturbingly little – least of all that ‘tyranny’ cannot be defined merely as ‘the fair election of a candidate I didn’t vote for’. Indeed, it’s one thing to protest when an elected official undemocratically sends troops to die in some far-off land, but quite another to throw a hissy fit just because the majority of America disagrees with your ideological take on conventional politics. Conservative America has been respectfully asked to wait 4 more years – and this apparent virtual response to Donald Trump’s misguided call to arms should be pegged as relatively degrading for all parties involved.

And so, we’ve reached full circle. Because the nation’s more child-like voters have been overruled by their mother and father – ‘logic and reason’ – they have now resorted to publicly showcasing America’s utter lack of political maturity. Anyone over the age of 13 can create a White House petition, and the most successful in years’ past has been one requesting that the White House release its beer recipe. Yet this large-scale public validation of such a half-hearted mode of political discourse is embarrassing to say the least.

Sore Republicans will clearly fail to reach their target goal of secession – that much is clear. Yet in seriously pursuing the latter, they have unfortunately succeeded in humiliating any and every American who exercises their civic duty to engage in ‘adult’ democracy. It’s time for these Americans to grow up and make an honest effort to wrap their self-destructive minds around the idea of compromise – because the world is shrinking, and there’s definitely no place in it for a redux of the Confederate States of America.


4 thoughts on “America’s Humiliating Hissy Fit

  1. TwirlyGirly says:

    Love this post – and you’re right – it’s just a bunch of sore losers. The right-wing sites (especially the religious ones) are making a big deal of this and reporting “more than a half-million people want their states out of the USA!” – like a half-million out of almost 350,000,000 is a lot. It isn’t. A half-million represents only 0.014% of the population. I say – if these fools want to leave, let ’em go. We need people who are willing to put aside their differences and are willing to work together to solve the problems this country is facing – we do NOT need those who are only willing to expend their energy on creating even more divisiveness.

  2. TwirlyGirly says:


    A half-million out of a population of approx. 350,000,000 represents only **0.14%**, NOT 0.014%.

  3. Robert Norton says:

    Your understanding of the Constitution is questionable at best! The issue of secession is never delt with. Most anti-secessionists would say that the war between the states settled it! The War bwtween the states did not “settle” the issue. Well, it settled the issue in the way that I settled the matter of who had right to my lunch money in Jr. High school. Secession was never settled beyond the federal government’s assertion that it has the right to kill people who try to exercise their rights protected by the Tenth Amendment!

  4. Katt says:

    Let ’em leave. They’re the biggest bunch of takers (aside from Texas) anyway.

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